he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
