I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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