Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
