It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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