either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
