i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's never too late to be topless.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
COCAINE IS GR8
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
