she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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