Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
