The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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