We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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