I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
