I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
