Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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