i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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