Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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