I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
