the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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