My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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