It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
