Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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