i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
