hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
