I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The struggles of a small town man whore
All I want is dick and wine.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
