would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You need a sexual gate keeper
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
