fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's blow job season.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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