tell your sister to shave her snatch
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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