Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
