I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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