ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize