there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
