is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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