i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
