Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
