I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
