There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
