I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Randomize
