Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
operation harelip BJ is a go
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
