I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
