Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
