i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
