I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
