just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize