Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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