I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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