all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
