I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
