I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Terrible idea I love it
how drunk are you?
Several
as a side note pls kill me
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
