I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
