i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
