I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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