scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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