On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize