Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
