Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
What drink are we having for lunch?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
