i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
