and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
