he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
