I didn't shave. On purpose
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize