The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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