"it" just moved
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
