Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
