I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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