If that was your dad, he is hot
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
