fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
