This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
