If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Mom said you looked used
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
