saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
