Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
