Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
