Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
